I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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