he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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