forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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