Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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