so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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