hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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