Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
True but thats because hes a fetus.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
In America we eat man semen.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
