Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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