Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
