i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
