when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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