I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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