ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
