Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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