Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
