4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just gift wrapped bread.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
