They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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