he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
