Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
