So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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