that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
