I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
