Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
