Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
