I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
