he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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