one two three fourrrrnication!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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