I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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