Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
