i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
