OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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