I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
