she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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