When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
