Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
