1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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