You just made me feel so damn special
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Randomize
