Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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