I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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