We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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