Where did you get a picture of my penis
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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