you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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