so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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