I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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