Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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