did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
