The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
