He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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