I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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