Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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