Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
third nipple confirmed
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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